QOTW #2: What is one food item you dislike but keep trying anyway?

Time for installment two of the Question of the Week:  What is one food item you dislike but keep trying anyway?

I've always been pretty adventurous about food, open to trying anything new at least once.  A lot of it boils down to my fear of missing out; my thought has always been, "What if it is my favorite thing and I never knew it because I never tried?"  This logic applied to numerous things: books, songs, activities, and, most certainly, food.  I tried sushi and fried shrimp heads and baby octopus, ate haggis in Scotland, enjoyed escargot in plenty of fancy restaurants, and while I haven't always liked the foods I've tried (haggis is horrible!) it's always been fun to try.

Because I'm adventurous to begin with, there are very few foods I dislike, especially as I've gotten older.  And given my relatively exotic taste in foods (I love obscure vegetables and foreign foods, as long as they aren't super spicy), the answer to this question might surprise you.  The one food I keep trying, hoping that THIS time I'll like it, but always finding I can only tolerate it, is oatmeal.  I've tried it with maple syrup, brown sugar, cinnamon, apples, bananas, strawberries, butter (separately, and all together) and I just don't love oatmeal.

Much to my disappointment, none of the other members of my family are adventurous eaters.  It is like asking them to chomp cockroaches just to get them to try a new food.  For Josiah, he has always been a picky eater because of his sensory processing challenges.  And my money is on the idea that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and Josiah's sensory issues came from his daddy!  Malachi was my last hope for having an adventurous eater in the family, and maybe when he graduates from the toddler stages of just wanting to be in control (including by deciding to never try anything that wasn't his idea to try), maybe then he will join in my finding tasty new things to eat.  Until then, he spends a ton of time eating his favorite food: oatmeal!

QOTW #1: How would you like to start your morning?

To get myself blogging again, I'm going to start posting a Question of the Week.  I'll provide my own answer to the question and invite my readers to comment with their answers as well.  So here is the first installment:

How would you like to start your morning?

Interesting question!  As with many things in life, my fantasy and my reality don’t exactly match up where mornings are concerned.  In a dream world, my mornings would start like this:

I'd have gone to bed and woken up at the same times consistently enough that I'd wake up to the morning light at 7:30 am on my own (no alarms and no children pestering me yet).  I would have half an hour to check the headlines on my phone (local papers and Facebook) and write about any dreams in my journal.  Then I'd throw on some slippers and pad out to the kitchen where I would start some water heating for tea and pop a bagel in the toaster.  I would enjoy my tea and bagel in solitude while looking over the calendar and planning out the day.  A nice hot shower would follow, and I would emerge dressed and ready for the day to find my two boys also dressed, fed, and ready for the day.

Reality looks more like this:

My oldest son wakes up around 6:50 am and starts an audiobook on a volume that could wake the dead, which, unsurprisingly, succeeds at waking up his younger brother.  The toddler then starts kicking me (literally, kicking me) to get out of bed at 7:30.  He is generally not tired enough to coax back to sleep but too tired to not be grumpy, or even walk to the kitchen himself, or so he claims.  After dragging myself away from my kicking, grumbling, grabby-hands toddler to get out of bed, I shuffle down the hall to start some tea.  Both boys start in asking to have cookies for breakfast, or at least a fresh batch of pancakes.  Because pancakes (made with almond flour) have more nutritional value than cookies, I compromise on pancakes with a side of eggs.  The boys fight over toys while I destroy the kitchen, spilling pancake batter everywhere and burning myself on the griddle.  After the pancakes are devoured and the eggs are pushed around the plate for 15 minutes, I give up trying to give them a healthy start to the day, eat the leftovers, and head for the bedroom to get dressed.  My shower is interrupted by two new arguments over how to play racing games and whether the monsters they are hunting are zombies or mummies, as well as a phone call from a solicitor that my son picked up and thinks is important enough for me to electrocute myself in the shower over.  When the water runs cold, I quickly rinse my hair and climb out to find the dog has drug my towel across the bathroom to make it his bed. Dripping wet and cold, I dig a new towel out of the cabinet to dry off, and find that the clothes I've laid out on the bed are now a crumpled mess because the bed was actually a battlefield in my boys' imaginary apocalypse.   I shoo them out to dress in privacy, which gives me just enough time to get one leg in my jeans before the dog and toddler run back into the room to hide under my feet from the ferocious monster chasing them.  I trip and land on the dog, while the toddler yells at me for not being a strong enough fort to keep him safe and the oldest boasts with a victory dance on top of the bed.  I suggest they go put their own clothes on for the day while I finish getting myself dressed, and they run off, not to find clean clothes but to avoid having to put on clothes at all.  By the time I'm dressed and can wrestle the kids into clothing, I'm already exhausted and ready for a nap.  

Oh well.  Someday I’ll get to have those peaceful mornings I want right now.  And when I do, I’ll probably spend some of that time remembering, with a distinct and presently unimaginable fondness, these crazy mornings I spend with my growing little boys. So despite feel exhausted more often than not, and struggling more than I would care to, I’m going to aim for finding joy amidst the chaos.  I’ll seek to cherish the little feet on my back, the creativity of imaginative games, and the exultation in boyish voices when their pancakes are ready to eat and their battles are won.  And I’ll work to join the chorus with my own voice of excitement and appreciation for the little things in life.

So how about you?  How would you like to start your mornings?  And how closely do your dream mornings match your daily reality?

"It's cool that you're homeschooling . . ."

When people hear we are homeschooling, there are a variety of responses we get, ranging from supportive to curious, doubtful to discouraging.  What follows the reaction is either an interesting conversation or a complete shutdown of conversation, generally.  Recently, though, I had a conversation about our choice to homeschool that went a bit differently than most others.

I think he was trying to be supportive, offering a sort of "Yeah, that's a great idea -- I kinda wish my parents had homeschooled me" response, but it didn't follow that path long.  What he actually did was recount frustrating school experiences (implying that we were good to help our child avoid them), particularly emphasizing all the down time in classrooms "while the teacher has to focus all their energy on the one ADHD kid who can't sit still or focus on anything."  He was clearly one of the "good kids" in the classroom who had been irked by the "trouble kids" who challenged his sensibilities daily. 

Despite my ADD, I was actually one of the teacher's pet types in school, too.  And given my profession as a college teacher, this guy probably assumed my kids were the bookish kind as well.  There's no way he could have known that I had one of "those kids" he was referring to, that his intention to be supportive could be heard as: "Good riddance! Keep that kid away from everybody else who's trying to learn quietly."  That's not at all what he said, yet it's exactly what he meant -- it's the flip side of the very same coin.

While I wanted to be hurt by the comment, the reality is this:  I'm glad I'm keeping my kid from having to be pegged daily as one of "those kids" that gets in everybody else's way.  I'm glad my kid can learn at his own pace, follow his own interests, absorb information rather than just be exposed to it.  I'm glad my kid gets to enjoy learning in a way he'd never be allowed to enjoy it in a traditional classroom, in a way that this guy, ironically, wasn't allowed to enjoy learning either.

For my kid, learning is loud.  (Truth be told, for my kid, EVERYthing is loud!)  Learning is active; it involves a lot of moving around.  Learning is interactive; it requires just as much explaining as it does listening to the explanations of others.  Learning is hands-on; it requires even more touching and experimenting with his own two hands then it does looking and listening.  Learning is fun!!!

While loud, active, hands-on learning is amazingly powerful, it's disruptive to those who prefer quite, calm, observant learning.  Moreover, it is difficult to handle when magnified by many children, rather than one or just a few.  Unfortunately, in our effort to maximize efficiency in education, we've prioritized only one kind of learning, and in so doing, have implied that that is the only acceptable way to learn anything at all.  But some things just can't be accomplished quietly; some things need to be loud.  Some things can't be done passively; active involvement is vital.  Some things can't be experienced with only one of our senses; diving in, all in, is key.

So, "supportive of homeschooling guy," you're welcome.  In a roundabout way, and for all the opposite reasons you mentioned, I'm as committed as ever to continuing to educate my loud, active, messy, hands-on kid at home, where he can enjoy a learning environment free of the kind of labeling and judgment your comment subtly included.

OneWord 2013: JOY!

A college-friend of mine who is now an incredible author and blogger inspired me recently with a post about a new way to make resolutions for the new year.  Instead of getting bogged down with a list of things you'll feel you've failed at, she's started choosing a single word to meditate on, cultivate, pursue for the year.  My ADD self gets sidetracked and bogged down easily with too many options, so this sounded like an incredible idea.  And it didn't take long for me to decide on the word I wanted as my mantra for the year:  JOY! 

Joy.  Not the fleeting-happiness or smiling-through-gritted teeth or "yay, things are going well today" kind of joy.  The "count it all joy" kind of joy that makes you look for the silver linings and blessings in even the difficult circumstances.  The kind of joy that lets you smile for real, because even though things aren't going well, you are alive and can choose how you respond to your circumstances.  The deeply satisfied kind of joy that only comes from God and from leaning on Him in everything.

I've had some legitimately rough times in the last few years.  Even beyond the daily grind or work and family life, and even beyond the "I have a special needs kid" kinds of difficulties.  The kind of international news-making "this only happens in the movies, right?" kinds of challenges.  And while I'd been holding together pretty well for a long time, I've really lost it the last six months or so.  As more and more was piled on, I slipped further and further into a place of negativity that normally cheerful and optimistic me hardly recognized.  And it's been killing me.

Pity parties.  Sobbing sessions.  Relational strife on every front.  Times of sincere anger at God and resentment over my "lot" in life.

And something has got to change.  And it has got to start with me. 

It won't be easy.  I've had more tests on my resolve in these first 48 hours of the year than I would have believed possible: a raging sinus infection, a puking toddler, a speeding ticket, getting locked out of my computer network at my office (rendering a 30-minute drive there useless), along with all the usual trials and tribulations of family life.  And I've already decided that there will be days I don't do so well at this pursuit of joy I'm embarking on.  I will fail.

The perfectionist in me normally wants to give up once the record is tarnished, but the beauty of this plan is that failing, and getting right back up is precisely the point.  It's not about achieving your OneWord, but about commiting to a daily journey of pursuing and cultivating that OneWord in your life and then looking back at the end of the year over the progess that's made in itty bitty daily steps in a purposeful direction.

A clip I saw recently from the Sacred Parenting DVD series talks about how important it is that your children see that your faith matters, that it affects your life, that you are different as a result of it.  Not that you are perfect -- they clearly know you are not.  Not that you have arrived -- you clearly have not.  But that you are walking the path, pursuing better, making progress.

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.  Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress.  Watch your life and doctrine close.  Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.    (1 Timothy 4:12, 15-16, emphasis mine) 

Persevere.  Progress.  To me, that's what the OneWord challenge is all about.  And the thing I most want to persevere to make some progress on is seeing more joy in my life.

So, joy it is! I'm deciding now to pursue joy, to actively seek it out, hunt for it, run after it, even when it seems elusive. I'm choosing to look for the bright spots and focus on them, to recognize and spend time relishing in the silver linings in the storm clouds. And I know I can't do it without looking to God's direction, so I'm calling a truce and stepping into pace with Him again.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.   (James 1:2-4, emphasis mine)

How about you?  What do you most need to persevere in this year?  What do you most want to make some progress in this year, in tiny daily steps?  What OneWord will you choose to guide your path in 2013?

Where have I been all this time?

I could argue that I've been away from the blog because life with two energetic boys is super hectic, becaue it is.  I could say I was caught up in living life instead of writing about it, because I was.  I could say I was taking a much-needed break from the reflecting that comes with writing, because that, too, would be true.  But the reality is that the reason all those factors really kept me away is that, on top of the regular stresses of life and managing my kids' idiosyncrasies, I'm also learning to manage some of my own. 

A few years ago I was diagnosed with ADD.  When the diagnosis was first suggested, I balked at the idea.  I mean, sure, I'm a little scatterbrained sometimes and a little (oh, okay, a LOT) cluttered in just about everything I do, but ADD?!  Really?!  Nah!  I've managed to be pretty successful thus far in life, and when I'm really interested in something, I can focus on it for hours and the rest of world disappears until I'm finished with the task.  I even have a master's degree!  I thought people with ADD bombed in school and ran around like chickens with no heads and started conversations absolutely nobody could follow?!  They're not driven, articulate, sensitive, many of the things I'd say describe me.

So at first, I brushed it off.  But for a month or so, the thought kept nagging at me, and curious cat that I am, I started doing a bit of internet research.  Turns out I knew NOTHING about what AD(H)D really was, and I think it is equally misunderstood by many others as well.  As truth would have it, adults with AD(H)D often ARE all the things I've already mentioned: curious, articulate, sensitive, driven, focused, scattered, cluttered.  And they are a whole lot more: highly intelligent, active, successful, clumsy, entertaining!

In a nutshell, a lot of the misunderstanding of AD(H)D comes from it's ineffective label.  See, it's not so much of matter of a deficit of attention; it's more a matter of disregulation of attention.  Basically, our brains often move so fast from one idea to the next, that we can have trouble keeping our focus on one small, seemingly simple task -- but find a challenge we are motivated by, and our focus locks in so strongly that we tend not to notice a single other thing in our environment (and if you try to force us to break our focus, we might get grumpy about it!)  We tend to be naturally curious, so interested in EVERYthing around us that we can hardly sit still, literally or metaphorically, for the excitement of learning the next thing on the horizon.  And this can often mean tasks are left undone as we jet off toward the next adventure (though we fully intend to return and finish it, if we even realize we've left something behind in our quest for something new).

Especially if you're NOT someone blessed with an AD(H)D brain, living with one can be a real challenge.  I'm sure it wouldn't surprise many folks to hear that my ADD was discovered while my husband and I were seeking marriage counseling.  He just couldn't fathom why I couldn't clean my cooking mess as I went (because my mind has already moved on to the next step of the process and doesn't register that I have even put something down nor that it is still sitting there), or why I leave things in piles instead of putting them away (because I can't find them when I put them away!), or how someone so smart can lose her keys on a daily basis or forget the coffee mug she just set on the counter or waste half an hour searching for the sunglasses she's wearing on top of her head, or how someone who spent the majority of her young life taking dance classes can be so clumsy as to close doors on her own head, bump her shins into anything nearby, or trip over her own feet so darn often!  It didn't take long for our counselor to put those pieces together and suggest that I might have undiagnosed ADD.

I've spent much of the last few years trying to make sense of what it means that I have ADD.  Identifying it has simultaneously liberating and discouraging.  At least now I know I'm not, as the popular book on adult ADHD says it, "lazy, stupid, or crazy," but it's also not something I will ever be free of.  I've learned a few new coping strategies, and tried to start re-using some of the tricks that I naturally used when I was younger (the things that probably kept my ADD enough under control that it went undiagnosed).  But as my responsibilities and stresses in life grow with my children, and my opportunity to get a full night's sleep continues to stay beyond my reach (do SPD kiddos EVER sleep through the night consistently?), all added to the never-ceasing flow of the proverbial sands of time that make me older and older every year, I find the symptoms seem to get worse all the time.

Besides the toll it takes on my marriage, I find it makes parenting all the more challenging, as if parenting two boys, one of whom has extensive SPD issues and likely some ADHD of his own, isn't challenging enough on it's own.  While consistency may be the cornerstone of effective parenting, it's the stumbling block of many with AD(H)D, myself included.  I have loads of great ideas, so many that I rarely remember which idea I'm working on just now, and following through on any of them seems all but impossible.  Frustrating for me, for sure -- equally, if not even more, frustrating for my kids, I'm certain.  And I'm nowhere near having things all figured out.

So, despite my distractability and lack of clarity (I'll likely be doing a lot of verbal processing about this in the posts to come around here), I'm back, at least for now.  And if you have any tips for how to make parenting work when you and your kids are both blessed with crazily wired brains, I'm all ears :)

SPD Related Giveaway from Soft Clothing

Hmmm, looks like that new post still hasn't made it -- it's coming, I promise :)  Now that Malachi is mobile (yep, crawling around like crazy) I've been a bit more busy!

In the meantime, here's another giveaway for SPD stuff from Soft Clothing:  http://www.softclothing.net/products/sale/giveaways/

Another Cloth Diapering Giveaway

Green Diaper Demos just hit 500 fans on Facebook and is doing a giveaway for a Thirsties Fab Fitted and a Wahmies Wet Bag.  To enter, check out her facebook page and visit her website for lots of great cloth diapering supplies -- she focuses most of her inventory on companies that are owned/operated by work-at-home-moms and are American made :) 

P.S.  I'll update the blog with something non-giveaway related very soon!

Cloth Diapering Giveaway and Sale!

My friend Michelle just revamped her webstore and is having a Grand Re-Opening Sale and Giveaway!  Check out Green Diaper Demos for lots of great cloth diapering supplies -- she focuses most of her inventory on companies that are owned/operated by work-at-home-moms and are American made :) 

Six Months and Six Years -- Wow!

Where DOES the time go?!  Seriously!  Within days of each other, my firstborn had his sixth birthday and my youngest turned six months, and I'm reeling.  Josiah is a third of the way out of the house (assuming he moves out around age 18) and Malachi is halfway to a year -- and I feel like I JUST had them a week ago!
Ever since Malachi arrived, Josiah has seemed so huge and grown up to me.  I consistently underestimate the strength it takes to sweep him up, and how high I need to keep my arms to keep him from hitting the ground when I swing him in my arms.  Don't get me wrong, he's still small for his age -- he just seems so huge to me these days!  And perhaps it is the presence of the new (does that term still apply at six months?) baby, but he seems so much more "different" after this birthday than he has at any other, so much more grown up and mature.  His catch-phrase for at least a week following his birthday, anytime he did something we were complimenting him for, was, "Of course, mom, that's what six year olds do!"  Well, gosh, if I'd known that, I'd have turned him six much sooner!  (Or maybe I wouldn't have!)
There are still plenty of areas that keep him behind his peers (due to his SPD) -- he still doesn't sleep well, still has lots of potty accidents during the day and sleeps in a diaper at night, still makes too much noise and moves too much compared with other kids his age -- but he's growing up so much lately!  He seems to be gaining an awareness of what it means to be growing up, and where many kids revert to more babyish behaviors when a younger sibling arrives, he seems to have embraced his big brother role for what it means to be older and more capable.  And I'm simultaneously celebrating and mourning that!
For his part, Malachi is growing like a little weed himself.  He moves around much more than Josiah did at his age -- not exactly army crawling, and not entirely using rolling as locomotion, but a strange combination of twisting and spinning that propels him around the floor.  He no longer stays exactly where he was put -- if we leave him on his back, head facing north, we'll find him on his belly, head facing east two feet from where he was originally, in just a few minutes!  And he's beginning to sit on his own -- he can support himself and keep his torso upright, but his balance isn't quite in tune yet :)  He's also getting better and better at using his hands to reach out and grab what he wants and manipulate it somewhat.  And there is NOTHING he isn't interested in grabbing!  And most of it goes into his mouth to be chewed on and tasted :) 
The cutest thing he's doing recently is "talking" to us.  He's only just beginning to discover his voice and the range of noises it can make, and his babbling does resemble any actual words just yet, but he is clearly grasping the concept of using it to communicate.  The other day, I had him in his baby swing while I was folding laundry.  For a long time, we were both quiet, he focused on the fish twirling above his head and me on the laundry.  When I finished I sat down across from him and caught his eyes, and he looked straight at me and started babbling noises with the most adorable "Mom, you should have seen this!" expression on his face.  He seems to really be paying attention to the signs we are showing him, and while he doesn't use them yet (except for mik -- I *think* he's using that one sometimes), I think they are helping him sort out words and learn language already.
I can remember being so excited at every new milestone Josiah made as a baby, feeling the newness of his growing abilities and intellect right along with him.  Knowing that Malachi is most likely my last baby, these moments are more bittersweet -- I treasure them even while I mourn the loss of a stage he has passed and will never return to.  Gone already is the tell-tale newborn sound to his cry and voice, the tiny face and features of a newborn, the downy-soft newborn fuzzy hair, even the dramatic startle reflex.  In some ways I feel like I missed so much of those early stages just trying to keep him from crying all day and night (he was "colicky" for the first two months, until I cut gluten from my diet!), and I sense the loss of it even while I celebrate the new skills and features he develops.
Someone once shared with me a quote about motherhood, something along the lines of "The days seem to last forever, but the years fly by!"  Such truth, and while it's easy to get lost in the monotony of the everyday, fighting the same discipline battles and food challenges and chores struggles -- and playing the same games and reading the same stories -- over and over again, I pray I will not lose sight of just how fast it all really does go by.  Someday, far sooner than I realize, I'm sure, I will pine for the days when several rounds of Guess Who and requests to pick up the Go Fish cards while I stir the soup with one hand and balance a fascinated-with-life infant on my hip with the other filled my days and weeks.  Oh, there will be new joys, to be certain -- but never again will things be as they are right now.  And as hard as the days are sometimes, as the years fly by, I realize more and more just how blessed these days are!

"Cooking for Isaiah" Review

I've been busy :) Part of what has kept me busy is this excellent new cookbook full of dairy- and gluten-free recipes!  Written by the editor of the Everyday with Rachel Ray magazine (and a former bakery owner), the recipes were created for her adolescent son with gluten- and dairy-intolerances.  Her goal was to make GFCF foods that are just as yummy, or even more so, than their gluten- and dairy-filled counterparts.  And she succeeds! 

One of the things I like best about this cookbook is that she doesn't try to substitute a lot of soy products for the dairy; instead, she uses other ingredients and spices for flavor and texture, like mashed beans to make a creamy soup and adding sundried tomatoes to pancake mix to make wafflebread for sandwiches. 

Some of the recipes are a bit labor intensive, especially if you're just getting started.  For example, the chocolate silk pie (which I haven't yet tried but looks delicious!), requires that you (1) make Silvana's All-Purpose Flour Mix, (2) make chocolate cookies so you have them for (3) crushing the cookies for the crust -- not to mention all the rest of the work for the pie filling (which involves separating eggs and double-boiling multiple times).  You could buy store-bought gluten-free cookies to crush (if you can find them), but I would think best results would be using her own recipes. 

Other recipes, though, are super easy!  The first thing I tried was a recipe for pumpkin muffins with crumble topping -- once you've mixed the flour (which is easy, and only needs to be done every several recipes, as one batch will last a while), it's really very quick and simple to add the rest of the ingredients, pour into cupcake liners in a muffin tin, and bake.  And they were tasty, with a fantastically fluffy, crumbly texture!

The most recent recipe I tried was her "mom's banana bread" recipe.  Like the muffins, super fast and simple -- and this was at least as good, if not better, than any banana bread I've ever made.  Both my husband and my 6-year old ate it up in one afternoon, and they are both incredibly picky eaters, so that's really saying something.

I also love how creative she gets with things to make gluten-free foods fun and appetizing.  For example, she uses slices of the banana bread to make grilled peanut butter and bacon sandwiches (think grilled cheese, with peanut butter and bacon on banana bread instead of cheese on wheat).  So creative and exceptionally tasty!  She also uses the waffle iron to make all kinds of breads, both sweet and savory, particularly for making sandwiches (sandwich bread is the hardest to replicate in gluten-free varieties). 

While not unhealthy, the priority in this cookbook is taste -- she's not afraid to use oils and sugar and white (instead of brown) rice to make things tasty.  Some have criticized that there are healthier GFCF cookbooks on the market, and while I'm sure that's true, there are times I just want things to taste like they did when I cooked with gluten and dairy, even if it isn't uber healthy, and for that, this cookbook delivers.  There are still plenty of healthy options as well (recipes loaded with good veggies and proteins), giving it the perfect balance for my family.

In the foreward, Rachel Ray writes that it "boggles [her] tastebuds" that the recipes lack gluten and dairy, and given my husband's two-thumbs up approval of every recipe I've tried so far, I'd have to agree.  If you're trying to find innovative ideas and fantastic taste/texture recipes that will entice even your picky eaters to enjoy GFCF foods, this cookbook will be your new best friend :)  It is quickly becoming mine!

*Fine print:  I paid full price for this cookbook on Amazon and was not offered any incentive whatsoever for trying or reviewing it, nor do I expect to at any point in the future -- I'm quite certain nobody associated with publishing this book has any idea I'm alive or using the cookbook.  I'm just sharing a great thing I've found!

Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free, Soy-Free Recipe: Pancakes

These pancakes are SOO yummy even my gluten-eating husband eats (and enoys!) them!

1 C rice flour
3 T tapioca flour
1/3 C potato starch
2 tsp sugar
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp xanthan gum
2 eggs
3 T canola oil
1 1/2 to 2 C milk substitute (rice, almond, hemp, etc.)

Sift together dry ingredients.  Stir in wet ingredients until very few lumps remain.  Pour into heated, oiled pan on medium heat; flip when bubbles begin to form on top.

*We add a variety of things to the batter to make flavored pancakes: blueberries, bananas, chocolate chips, cinnamon and brown sugar/maple syrup, vanilla, etc.  You can also add ground flax seed for some extra fiber.

TIP: I make several half-batches of the dry ingredients and store them in ziploc baggies so I can make a quick batch of pancakes by only adding an egg, oil and milk to the dry mixture for a faster breakfast!

Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free, Soy-Free Recipe: Pumpkin Soup (Sauce)

Here's my current favorite creamy-pasta substitute :) It's actually a recipe for a pumpkin soup, but I make a few alterations to the recipe and make it a sauce for a pasta dish. Here's the original recipe with some notes ...about my alterations:

Pumpkin Soup (sauce)
1 C sliced carrot (I do about a cup and a half)
3/4 C coursely chopped green pepper
1/2 C chopped onion
(I also add about a cup of thickly sliced zucchini and/or broccoli just to add more veggies, because I like them!)
1 Tbs cooking oil (we use olive oil, usually, though coconut oil would probably work splendidly in this as well)
1 can unsweetened light coconut milk
1 can pureed pumpkin
14 oz reduced sodium chicken broth
2 Tbs packed brown sugar
1 medium fresh jalapeno, seeded and finely chopped
3/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground ginger
2 Tbs snipped fresh cilantro
(I'm not a fan of cilantro or jalapeno so I put in a dash of chili powder for some spice and added peanut butter to give it a more Thai flavor)

In a large saucepan, cook carrot, pepper and onion in hot oil over medium heat, about five minutes or until almost tender. Remove from heat. In a bowl, combine pumpkin, coconut milk, and broth. Stir in brown sugar, jalapeno pepper, salt and ginger (and/or chili powder, peanut butter, etc.) Stir pumpkin mixture into cooked veggie mixture (and add more delicate veggies now, if you plan to, like zucchini and/or broccoli).

Bring to boiling; reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, about 10 minutes or until heated through, stirring frequently. Stir in cilantro before serving.

**My other changes: I also added a bit of cornstarch during the simmer to thicken it up just a tad. Served over grilled chicken and some gluten-free pasta, this makes a yummy creamy sauce loaded with veggies and flavor!See More

Tips for 'Transitioning to a Restricted Diet

It's been almost two years since we've had Josiah off gluten, dairy and soy, and in that time, I have gone gluten-free for Malachi and even Josh (daddy) has tried eliminating gluten.  While it's much easier now, the transitions are always tough.  Having done it a few times, I've learned a few things, so here are my tips for making a transition to a restricted diet:

(1)  Add new foods BEFORE you start eliminating!  In every case, the transition has been easier when we delay making the full transition for a few weeks while we introduce new foods that fit the restricted diet so there are foods they are used to and enjoy before you eliminate things they've been used to.  For example, we introduced gluten-free Koala Crisp before we started taking away Cheerios, and we offered him gluten-free Pretzels before we took away his toast and sandwiches.  That way, when the gluten foods are eliminated, there are still lots of things he's already enjoying that don't have to go away!

(2)  Shift to eating more whole foods.  While processed foods are convenient, they aren't nearly as healthy as prepared whole foods anyway, and most processed foods won't be allowed on a restricted diet.  Almost EVERY processed food in the American diet has gluten, dairy or soy in it (if not all three).  It takes a bit more time and planning, but the food almost always tastes better anyway, is far more nutritious, and saves money -- and you'll be able to make "old favorites" in versions that fit your restricted diet.

(3) Focus on what you CAN eat, rather than on what you can't.  On a gluten/dairy/soy free diet, there is still a LOT you can eat, especially if you do some whole foods cooking.  Any meat, nuts, fruits and vegetables are safe and encouraged, and there are also still a lot of grains you can eat and cook with (rice, quinoa, lentils, potatoes, etc.)  Instead of making lists of off-limits foods, make menus of foods that fit your diet.  A snack list might include: apple slices, raisins, peanut butter with gluten-free pretzels or crackers, frozen blueberries, red peppers and hummus, pickles, carrot sticks with dipping sauce (Josiah loves the dip I make by adding curry powder, salt, pepper and lemon juice to some mayonnaise).

(4) Read labels meticulously AND be informed about all the names/ingredients that might include your restricted foods.  For example, sodium caesinate is found in lots of "dairy free" items (like whipped topping and coffee creamer) but is derived from milk and can be problematic for many people on a dairy-restricted diet.  "Spices" and "Natural Flavorings" often include dairy and/or gluten proteins.  When in doubt, keep it out :)  And you can always call the company to ask whether a specific product contains gluten or dairy (or whatever restricted ingredient you're dealing with).

(5) For some meals/dishes, you can find good substitutes that fit your dietary restrictions; for others, it's best to just alter the recipe or dish to something different.  For example, spaghetti is easy to do GFCFSF (gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free) by making sure your pasta sauce doesn't have cheese or cream in it (we like Newman's Own sauces as they are all natural ingredients and only a couple have dairy in them) and serving it over a bed of gluten-free pasta (if you can eat corn, the corn-quinoa blend by Ancient Harvest is my favorite).  Sandwiches, on the other hand, just aren't the same with gluten-free breads, so we just do deli rolls instead -- on a slice of deli meat, spread mayo or hummus, add a couple leaves of spinach and a thin slice of tomato and roll it up :) 

(6)  Consider throwing out some of your "food rules" while you're making the transition.  For example, we normally wouldn't allow candy on a daily basis, but while we were transitioning Josiah off gluten, we let it slide and would let him have a small piece of candy after lunch if he had eaten well.  We already had fairly relaxed rules regarding table manners (our SPD kid still has trouble sitting still for a full meal and using his utensils consistently, but we do insist on politeness like excusing yourself if you burp, etc.) but we also added other "gimicky" things like carpet picnics, where we'd all eat together on a tablecloth on the floor of the living room, to make eating more fun while he was getting used to the new diet.  (Actually, we enjoyed carpet picnicking so much that we still do it fairly frequently!) 

(7)  Along the lines of number 6, find a treat you (or your child) enjoys that fits your restricted diet and reward yourself with it on difficult days.  When I eliminated gluten, I found some Udi's Double Chocolate Muffins that, while relatively unhealthy and expensive, taste SOOO yummy.  I keep a pack in my freezer for those days when I'm really bummed about having to avoid the cake at a baby shower or am craving a bagel and cream cheese :)  It's the pat on the back (or belly, as the case may be) that I need sometimes to keep pressing on!

Another Giveaway

Tis the Season :)  And Hartley is really in the spirit!  She's co-sponsoring another giveaway with Autism Spectrum Quarterly -- loads of awesome toys that are especially great for SPD and AS kids!  Here's the link to enter if you'd like!  http://www.hartleysboys.com/p/win-free-toys-from-asq-and-hlw3b.html
Merry Christmas!

Giveaway :)

One of my favorite blogs about SPD parenting, Hartley's Life with 3 Boys, has teamed up with Soft Clothing to do a huge holiday giveaway of sensory-friendly stuff!  I'm entering (hoping to get some Soft (TM) socks!) -- you can, too, if you'd like :)

While I'm Showing Pictures . . .

Josiah at 4 months (early 2005)

Josiah (5) and Malachi (4 months)
Stoneyridge Farm  --  October 2010

How's Malachi?



Malachi at 3 months
(c) Sweetpea Memories Photography

 I've had a few people ask about Malachi's development, wondering whether we are seeing any signs of the SPD issues that Josiah has.  It is, of course, something I've wondered about myself -- will both my boys have sensory challenges?  Will I have one "typically developing child" and one with special needs?

Josiah was first tentatively diagnosed with sensory processing difficulties at about 16 months, when he began early intervention services because he was still gagging on anything he tried to eat.  Prior to that, I didn't have a clue there was anything wrong.  In hindsight, there were signs -- he hated the baby swing and the way it triggered his moro reflex; he startled really easily at everyday noises (blinds being raised, for example); while he was very cuddly and snuggly, he didn't like to have his head touched; and, obviously, there was the gagging on baby food that we first noticed at 6 months and persisted until he was nearly two.  Knowing what we know now, it all makes sense -- but I never would have put the pieces together then.

So far, Malachi seems more "normal" in the ways that Josiah struggled -- he quite likes the baby swing, doesn't seem to be oversensitive to touch in any specific place, and out of curiosity, I gave him some mashed banana today and he didn't gag on it (though he didn't seem to like it either -- made a sour face!).  Those all seem like good signs (except perhaps the sour face, which could be oversensitivity to tastes and/or textures) and I hope for the best. 

But the fact is that there is just no way to know yet.  He does startle at loud noises, though not to the point of crying like Josiah did, and who would make a sour face at a ripe banana?  Are those signs of SPD, or just Malachi's own personality quirks?  At first, Josiah's issues seemed easy to dismiss as personal preferences, too.  And more significantly, SPD manifests in such different ways in different people that looking at the same signs may not lead us anywhere anyway!

For now, I'm trying to balance blissful ignorance with informed practice.  I'm watching his overall development (he smiles and laughs, can roll at will, has excellent head control, is learning to use his hands and feet, follows objects with his eyes) and doing what I can to provide him with sensory rich experiences (giving him textured toys, exposure to various sounds, etc.)  But mostly, I'm just cuddling and kissing and loving on my baby. 

Malachi at 3 months
(c) Sweetpea Memories Photography

I'm singing to him like I did to Josiah, bouncing him on my knee, smiling at him, holding him, talking to him, adoring him and soaking in all his baby-ness while I can.  I know just how quickly this stage passes (he's already grown up so much at 5 months!) and I don't want to miss a thing.  In the grand scheme, we caught Josiah's sensory issues blessedly early (to be fair, they were pretty obvious considering he couldn't eat -- not really something you can miss!) and I'm confident that if we connect with and love on Malachi like we did Josiah, we'll catch any challenges he presents early, too. 

If we start to discover sensory issues with Malachi, we'll cross that bridge when it comes -- but for now, there are no labels, no need for explanations about his behavior, his preferences, what he can and can't do -- for now, he's just my baby, just like Josiah was at this age.  And that's exactly how I want it!

Bottom line: we're watching Malachi with our eyes on loving him, just like we did with Josiah, and we'll take whatever comes!

It takes a village . . .

Any parent, particularly parents who have ever needed to advocate for their child, dealt with special needs or just wondered whether there might be something about their child that doctors or other caregivers have missed, has probably heard the adage that "you are the expert on your child -- nobody knows your child like you do."  This wisdom was discussed recently in a guest post on Hartley's Life with 3 Boys (one of my favorite blogs dealing with SPD parenting).  It's something I've heard and read often, and everytime I have the same reaction -- I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with this cliche.

On the one hand, it is empowering!  It encourages a "press on" attitude when your mommy instinct tells you something isn't right even when all the "experts" seem to think things are okay.  I'm a firm believer in the power of a mother's instincts on all things relating to one's own child -- while her logic may seem crazy to anyone around her, a mom listening to her gut about her child's experience of the world will always be a trail worth following and will lead to something productive.  (It seems to start in pregnancy, even -- according to this study, women's intuition correctly predicted baby's gener 70% of the time, better than chance and more accurate than any other old wives' tale!)  Following my own mother's intutition has certainly served me well so far in getting Josiah's SPD diagnosed and starting to learn ways to deal with it.

On the other hand, this idea is devastatingly scary!  I can't help but feel sorry for my child that nobody knows him any better than I do because there are so many days I just feel so clueless!  Even though I know SPD probably colors everything he does, I often find it hard to understand what he does and why he does it, let alone how to help him and how to shape his behavior. 

I know parenting feels clueless for a lot of parents -- it's just that I really felt "on top of it" for the most part until we discovered his SPD.  It's like the rug was pulled out from under me, like everything I thought I knew about parenting and about my own child had to be rethunk.  And while I recognize that, as his mother and one who lives with him and spends more time with him than anyone, I probably know more about him than anyone else on the planet, it just feels like I know nothing.  And it is overwhelming to think that it really is all up to me, that whatever there is to know about my child must largely be discovererd, understood, and articulated by me.  The enormity of that terrifies me, and on the days that everything seems to be going wrong and I can't seem to find any rhyme or reason behind what is going on, the thought that nobody else knows better than I do is nearly paralyzing!  All I can think is, "My poor dear child!  If nobody can understand him better than me, and I feel so completely clueless, the little guy is doomed to be misunderstood forever!"

In starting this blog (both in the writing of it and in the reading of other blogs by SPD moms) I'm learning to find the balance in this old adage.  I'm learning how to let go of the feeling that I am completely alone in figuring this all out, that there is a wealth of information on other families' experiences out there to glean insight from for our own situation.  And while it is still a lot of work, and a daunting task to have to sift through it all and study our own family through trial and error to know what works for us and what doesn't, there seems to be some hope and comfort in knowing that there is a community of others with wisdom to share.  Because I hear others struggling and forgiving themselves and persevering, I can give myself some grace for not knowing all the answers (and maybe this will eventually transfer to feeling less defensive when others seem to expect it anyway).  Because I read stories of success (despite struggle) in other families, I am inspired to live and write some stories of my own. 

We've always known that it takes a village to raise a child; I believe more and more that it also takes a village to raise a parent!  So today I am thankful for my village -- for the other moms I know in real-life, for our OT and her staff, for the community of SPD bloggers online and the websites devoted to raising awareness and increasing understanding, I am grateful that I can lean on the insight of others in becoming the expert on my children.

Party Planning

Josiah will be turning 6 in a couple weeks (sappy reflecting on that is sure to come in a future post) and I'm in the thick of planning for his birthday party.  Birthday party planning is a challenge no matter what your kids are like, even for people like me who adore planning parties.  Don't get me wrong, it's a blast to put everything together and watch his excitement (and impatience) grow :)  It's just that it's also a lot of work, and with a sensory seeker who doesn't modulate well, there are also unpopular decisions to be made.

It may not be as big a problem if his birthday were during the summer when sunny weather would provide us with more options, or if his sensory seeking didn't have him desiring highly active physical activities (think climbing, jumping, swinging, hanging, sliding, and spinning constantly -- even gift opening and eating are done on his feet so he can stay moving).  But it's not, and it does -- and so we search for affordable indoor active options every year.  And this is where the unpopular decisions sometimes come in.

The top two location requests we hear from Josiah regarding his birthday party are Jungle Playland and Chuck E. Cheese.  While both can be fun, they take a bit of extra planning to be successful (i.e. with only minor meltdowns during or afterwards) even on a "good" day, where Josiah's systems are working decently well AND the location isn't already overcrowded (we usually try to hit Chuck E. Cheese at 3:00 on a Thursday afternoon, for example).  Trying to hold a birthday party at either location, though, is sensory overload and a major meltdown waiting to happen.

Oh, we tried it once -- we had his 4th birthday party at Jungle Playland.  Silly me!  I hadn't been there on a busy late-fall (read: crappy weather) Saturday before, when every other child within two counties with a November birthday was also hosting a party (remember, we try to plan these places for non-peak times), so I really had little idea what I was getting myself into.  The volume level alone was enough to challenge even the most sensory-adjusted adult, let alone an excitable sensory-challenged 4-year-old birthday boy.  Add to it the cramped "party room" for cake and presents, the sugar (from said cake), and the constant tactile input from being bumped into by dozens of other party-going children in the play areas, and it equaled major meltdowns for the rest of the day.  The thought of forking over $100 for such a meltdown again makes me nauseaus --and that's just Jungle Playland.  Chuck E. Cheese, which is even larger, adds in the extra sound and visual stimulation of lighted arcade-style games and a dancing robotic mouse show, and pizza which is neither gluten- nor dairy-free, is an even worse idea.

And so we promise a near-future visit to each of those places, at a time we can better manage the sensory input they involve, and gently steer him towards more sensory-friendly locations for his birthday party.  Some days this works better than others, and it seems to be getting more difficult every year (a trend I expect will continue).  But at least for this year, the promise of a Lego themed pinata and a swim in the pool at a more calm location did the trick.  Birthday parties with a roomful of his preschool-early elementary aged friends can never be described as calm or incredibly sensory-friendly, but I'd rather he got the message that people are more imporant than things by encouraging the sensory overload to come from playtime with good friends, not a dancing mouse with arcade tokens and screaming children we don't know.  Unpopular as it may be at times, it really does work better for our birthday boy -- Chuck and the Jungle Animals will be there the following week for us to visit on a day that Josiah is nmore in control and can better enjoy them anyway.

So the invites are out, the pinata-making is planned, and the birthday countdown is in full swing.  I still need to find pinata stuffers (ideally some fun stuff that doesn't involve food allergens, dyes, and sugar overdoses), order the cake (specially made without gluten or dairy), charge the videocamera batteries and actually make the pinata, but those tasks are much more fun!

Note: Jungle Playland is actually an awesome facility, with great play areas that are awesome for Josiah's proprioceptive system, and if you're local I'd highly recommend a visit.  It's just the birthday-party-on-a-crowded-November-Saturday part that didn't work out so well for him!

Funny How That Works . . .

In my last post I was talking about how some days are just THOSE days, where Josiah's system just isn't working well at all and creating all sorts of misbehavior, where I'd rather hide at home than go anywhere in public.  Those are the days I'm tempted to cancel any plans we've made (and sometimes actually do).  Of course it would work out that today would be one of those days -- just to see what I would do, perhaps?

Some close friends of ours will be moving to a new city a two-hour drive away in just a few weeks and had invited us over for dinner tonight.  Not only do I enjoy this couple as people, but they are foodies at heart and always making yummy new foods -- and are awesome at finding recipes that work for our difficult-to-feed gfcfsf diet issues.  All this to say, I was really looking forward to dinner!  And so it should have come as no surprise that Josiah would be having a rough day from the start.  This couple happens to be incredibly great with Josiah, bringing out great things in him and in us -- they are two of only a small handful of people in our lives who tell us they actually enjoy our son, as opposed to the more common responses indicating tolerance but not enjoyment -- so I didn't feel the need to call off the dinner, but I wasn't sure how it would all go, either.  As usual, I hoped for the best and braced for the worst.

Dinner turned out about as I expected -- the food was awesome, company was great, and Josiah was crazy.  Not just a tad crazy, but pretty off-the-charts crazy -- bouncing off the walls, doing "yoga" with mouthfuls of food, throwing balls around the room, and he couldn't seem to figure out how to make his mouth work to drink juice from a commuter cup.  As frustrating as days like this are (and believe me they are frustrating), I almost prefer the super-crazy days to the only-slightly-off-kilter days.  (Of course, I prefer the all-systems-go smoothly running days the best, but they tend to be fairly few and far between.)  On the only-a-bit-off kinds of days, it's easy to forget just how much Josiah really is dealing with, how much he is coping with and managing that we don't even see.  Because he seems "almost normal" it's easier to fall into the trap of expecting more from him than he is really capable of giving.  These super crazy nothing-seems-to-be-firing-right-at-all kinds of days are good reminders of just how pervasive his sensory issues really are. 

On evenings like tonight I can look at my child and see, without any question, how so many of his issues trace fully back to sensory processing challenges.  In these times when he is not managing his behavior well at all, when he is able to put so little of his usual intelligence, motivation and funny demeanor to work at covering the problems, when his challenges are right at the forefront for all to see, I am reminded so powerfully just how much grace he needs, and how much praise he deserves for keeping it together to the level that he does on most days.

Sometimes I wish his special needs were more visible, convincing myself that if people (including me) could actually see his challenges that they'd somehow be easier to deal with, less frustrating and embarassing.  I know that isn't true, that such a granted wish would come with a whole host of other issues to deal with, and I remind myself to be grateful for just what we have.  And as crazy as it might sound, days like today actually make that gratitude much easier to grasp.

So today, in my thankfulness campaign, I'm thankful for two things: (1) for having far less to deal with than many families do, and (2) for the "crazy days" like this that help keep things in perspective!