Where have I been all this time?

I could argue that I've been away from the blog because life with two energetic boys is super hectic, becaue it is.  I could say I was caught up in living life instead of writing about it, because I was.  I could say I was taking a much-needed break from the reflecting that comes with writing, because that, too, would be true.  But the reality is that the reason all those factors really kept me away is that, on top of the regular stresses of life and managing my kids' idiosyncrasies, I'm also learning to manage some of my own. 

A few years ago I was diagnosed with ADD.  When the diagnosis was first suggested, I balked at the idea.  I mean, sure, I'm a little scatterbrained sometimes and a little (oh, okay, a LOT) cluttered in just about everything I do, but ADD?!  Really?!  Nah!  I've managed to be pretty successful thus far in life, and when I'm really interested in something, I can focus on it for hours and the rest of world disappears until I'm finished with the task.  I even have a master's degree!  I thought people with ADD bombed in school and ran around like chickens with no heads and started conversations absolutely nobody could follow?!  They're not driven, articulate, sensitive, many of the things I'd say describe me.

So at first, I brushed it off.  But for a month or so, the thought kept nagging at me, and curious cat that I am, I started doing a bit of internet research.  Turns out I knew NOTHING about what AD(H)D really was, and I think it is equally misunderstood by many others as well.  As truth would have it, adults with AD(H)D often ARE all the things I've already mentioned: curious, articulate, sensitive, driven, focused, scattered, cluttered.  And they are a whole lot more: highly intelligent, active, successful, clumsy, entertaining!

In a nutshell, a lot of the misunderstanding of AD(H)D comes from it's ineffective label.  See, it's not so much of matter of a deficit of attention; it's more a matter of disregulation of attention.  Basically, our brains often move so fast from one idea to the next, that we can have trouble keeping our focus on one small, seemingly simple task -- but find a challenge we are motivated by, and our focus locks in so strongly that we tend not to notice a single other thing in our environment (and if you try to force us to break our focus, we might get grumpy about it!)  We tend to be naturally curious, so interested in EVERYthing around us that we can hardly sit still, literally or metaphorically, for the excitement of learning the next thing on the horizon.  And this can often mean tasks are left undone as we jet off toward the next adventure (though we fully intend to return and finish it, if we even realize we've left something behind in our quest for something new).

Especially if you're NOT someone blessed with an AD(H)D brain, living with one can be a real challenge.  I'm sure it wouldn't surprise many folks to hear that my ADD was discovered while my husband and I were seeking marriage counseling.  He just couldn't fathom why I couldn't clean my cooking mess as I went (because my mind has already moved on to the next step of the process and doesn't register that I have even put something down nor that it is still sitting there), or why I leave things in piles instead of putting them away (because I can't find them when I put them away!), or how someone so smart can lose her keys on a daily basis or forget the coffee mug she just set on the counter or waste half an hour searching for the sunglasses she's wearing on top of her head, or how someone who spent the majority of her young life taking dance classes can be so clumsy as to close doors on her own head, bump her shins into anything nearby, or trip over her own feet so darn often!  It didn't take long for our counselor to put those pieces together and suggest that I might have undiagnosed ADD.

I've spent much of the last few years trying to make sense of what it means that I have ADD.  Identifying it has simultaneously liberating and discouraging.  At least now I know I'm not, as the popular book on adult ADHD says it, "lazy, stupid, or crazy," but it's also not something I will ever be free of.  I've learned a few new coping strategies, and tried to start re-using some of the tricks that I naturally used when I was younger (the things that probably kept my ADD enough under control that it went undiagnosed).  But as my responsibilities and stresses in life grow with my children, and my opportunity to get a full night's sleep continues to stay beyond my reach (do SPD kiddos EVER sleep through the night consistently?), all added to the never-ceasing flow of the proverbial sands of time that make me older and older every year, I find the symptoms seem to get worse all the time.

Besides the toll it takes on my marriage, I find it makes parenting all the more challenging, as if parenting two boys, one of whom has extensive SPD issues and likely some ADHD of his own, isn't challenging enough on it's own.  While consistency may be the cornerstone of effective parenting, it's the stumbling block of many with AD(H)D, myself included.  I have loads of great ideas, so many that I rarely remember which idea I'm working on just now, and following through on any of them seems all but impossible.  Frustrating for me, for sure -- equally, if not even more, frustrating for my kids, I'm certain.  And I'm nowhere near having things all figured out.

So, despite my distractability and lack of clarity (I'll likely be doing a lot of verbal processing about this in the posts to come around here), I'm back, at least for now.  And if you have any tips for how to make parenting work when you and your kids are both blessed with crazily wired brains, I'm all ears :)

SPD Related Giveaway from Soft Clothing

Hmmm, looks like that new post still hasn't made it -- it's coming, I promise :)  Now that Malachi is mobile (yep, crawling around like crazy) I've been a bit more busy!

In the meantime, here's another giveaway for SPD stuff from Soft Clothing:  http://www.softclothing.net/products/sale/giveaways/

Another Cloth Diapering Giveaway

Green Diaper Demos just hit 500 fans on Facebook and is doing a giveaway for a Thirsties Fab Fitted and a Wahmies Wet Bag.  To enter, check out her facebook page and visit her website for lots of great cloth diapering supplies -- she focuses most of her inventory on companies that are owned/operated by work-at-home-moms and are American made :) 

P.S.  I'll update the blog with something non-giveaway related very soon!

Cloth Diapering Giveaway and Sale!

My friend Michelle just revamped her webstore and is having a Grand Re-Opening Sale and Giveaway!  Check out Green Diaper Demos for lots of great cloth diapering supplies -- she focuses most of her inventory on companies that are owned/operated by work-at-home-moms and are American made :) 

Six Months and Six Years -- Wow!

Where DOES the time go?!  Seriously!  Within days of each other, my firstborn had his sixth birthday and my youngest turned six months, and I'm reeling.  Josiah is a third of the way out of the house (assuming he moves out around age 18) and Malachi is halfway to a year -- and I feel like I JUST had them a week ago!
Ever since Malachi arrived, Josiah has seemed so huge and grown up to me.  I consistently underestimate the strength it takes to sweep him up, and how high I need to keep my arms to keep him from hitting the ground when I swing him in my arms.  Don't get me wrong, he's still small for his age -- he just seems so huge to me these days!  And perhaps it is the presence of the new (does that term still apply at six months?) baby, but he seems so much more "different" after this birthday than he has at any other, so much more grown up and mature.  His catch-phrase for at least a week following his birthday, anytime he did something we were complimenting him for, was, "Of course, mom, that's what six year olds do!"  Well, gosh, if I'd known that, I'd have turned him six much sooner!  (Or maybe I wouldn't have!)
There are still plenty of areas that keep him behind his peers (due to his SPD) -- he still doesn't sleep well, still has lots of potty accidents during the day and sleeps in a diaper at night, still makes too much noise and moves too much compared with other kids his age -- but he's growing up so much lately!  He seems to be gaining an awareness of what it means to be growing up, and where many kids revert to more babyish behaviors when a younger sibling arrives, he seems to have embraced his big brother role for what it means to be older and more capable.  And I'm simultaneously celebrating and mourning that!
For his part, Malachi is growing like a little weed himself.  He moves around much more than Josiah did at his age -- not exactly army crawling, and not entirely using rolling as locomotion, but a strange combination of twisting and spinning that propels him around the floor.  He no longer stays exactly where he was put -- if we leave him on his back, head facing north, we'll find him on his belly, head facing east two feet from where he was originally, in just a few minutes!  And he's beginning to sit on his own -- he can support himself and keep his torso upright, but his balance isn't quite in tune yet :)  He's also getting better and better at using his hands to reach out and grab what he wants and manipulate it somewhat.  And there is NOTHING he isn't interested in grabbing!  And most of it goes into his mouth to be chewed on and tasted :) 
The cutest thing he's doing recently is "talking" to us.  He's only just beginning to discover his voice and the range of noises it can make, and his babbling does resemble any actual words just yet, but he is clearly grasping the concept of using it to communicate.  The other day, I had him in his baby swing while I was folding laundry.  For a long time, we were both quiet, he focused on the fish twirling above his head and me on the laundry.  When I finished I sat down across from him and caught his eyes, and he looked straight at me and started babbling noises with the most adorable "Mom, you should have seen this!" expression on his face.  He seems to really be paying attention to the signs we are showing him, and while he doesn't use them yet (except for mik -- I *think* he's using that one sometimes), I think they are helping him sort out words and learn language already.
I can remember being so excited at every new milestone Josiah made as a baby, feeling the newness of his growing abilities and intellect right along with him.  Knowing that Malachi is most likely my last baby, these moments are more bittersweet -- I treasure them even while I mourn the loss of a stage he has passed and will never return to.  Gone already is the tell-tale newborn sound to his cry and voice, the tiny face and features of a newborn, the downy-soft newborn fuzzy hair, even the dramatic startle reflex.  In some ways I feel like I missed so much of those early stages just trying to keep him from crying all day and night (he was "colicky" for the first two months, until I cut gluten from my diet!), and I sense the loss of it even while I celebrate the new skills and features he develops.
Someone once shared with me a quote about motherhood, something along the lines of "The days seem to last forever, but the years fly by!"  Such truth, and while it's easy to get lost in the monotony of the everyday, fighting the same discipline battles and food challenges and chores struggles -- and playing the same games and reading the same stories -- over and over again, I pray I will not lose sight of just how fast it all really does go by.  Someday, far sooner than I realize, I'm sure, I will pine for the days when several rounds of Guess Who and requests to pick up the Go Fish cards while I stir the soup with one hand and balance a fascinated-with-life infant on my hip with the other filled my days and weeks.  Oh, there will be new joys, to be certain -- but never again will things be as they are right now.  And as hard as the days are sometimes, as the years fly by, I realize more and more just how blessed these days are!

"Cooking for Isaiah" Review

I've been busy :) Part of what has kept me busy is this excellent new cookbook full of dairy- and gluten-free recipes!  Written by the editor of the Everyday with Rachel Ray magazine (and a former bakery owner), the recipes were created for her adolescent son with gluten- and dairy-intolerances.  Her goal was to make GFCF foods that are just as yummy, or even more so, than their gluten- and dairy-filled counterparts.  And she succeeds! 

One of the things I like best about this cookbook is that she doesn't try to substitute a lot of soy products for the dairy; instead, she uses other ingredients and spices for flavor and texture, like mashed beans to make a creamy soup and adding sundried tomatoes to pancake mix to make wafflebread for sandwiches. 

Some of the recipes are a bit labor intensive, especially if you're just getting started.  For example, the chocolate silk pie (which I haven't yet tried but looks delicious!), requires that you (1) make Silvana's All-Purpose Flour Mix, (2) make chocolate cookies so you have them for (3) crushing the cookies for the crust -- not to mention all the rest of the work for the pie filling (which involves separating eggs and double-boiling multiple times).  You could buy store-bought gluten-free cookies to crush (if you can find them), but I would think best results would be using her own recipes. 

Other recipes, though, are super easy!  The first thing I tried was a recipe for pumpkin muffins with crumble topping -- once you've mixed the flour (which is easy, and only needs to be done every several recipes, as one batch will last a while), it's really very quick and simple to add the rest of the ingredients, pour into cupcake liners in a muffin tin, and bake.  And they were tasty, with a fantastically fluffy, crumbly texture!

The most recent recipe I tried was her "mom's banana bread" recipe.  Like the muffins, super fast and simple -- and this was at least as good, if not better, than any banana bread I've ever made.  Both my husband and my 6-year old ate it up in one afternoon, and they are both incredibly picky eaters, so that's really saying something.

I also love how creative she gets with things to make gluten-free foods fun and appetizing.  For example, she uses slices of the banana bread to make grilled peanut butter and bacon sandwiches (think grilled cheese, with peanut butter and bacon on banana bread instead of cheese on wheat).  So creative and exceptionally tasty!  She also uses the waffle iron to make all kinds of breads, both sweet and savory, particularly for making sandwiches (sandwich bread is the hardest to replicate in gluten-free varieties). 

While not unhealthy, the priority in this cookbook is taste -- she's not afraid to use oils and sugar and white (instead of brown) rice to make things tasty.  Some have criticized that there are healthier GFCF cookbooks on the market, and while I'm sure that's true, there are times I just want things to taste like they did when I cooked with gluten and dairy, even if it isn't uber healthy, and for that, this cookbook delivers.  There are still plenty of healthy options as well (recipes loaded with good veggies and proteins), giving it the perfect balance for my family.

In the foreward, Rachel Ray writes that it "boggles [her] tastebuds" that the recipes lack gluten and dairy, and given my husband's two-thumbs up approval of every recipe I've tried so far, I'd have to agree.  If you're trying to find innovative ideas and fantastic taste/texture recipes that will entice even your picky eaters to enjoy GFCF foods, this cookbook will be your new best friend :)  It is quickly becoming mine!

*Fine print:  I paid full price for this cookbook on Amazon and was not offered any incentive whatsoever for trying or reviewing it, nor do I expect to at any point in the future -- I'm quite certain nobody associated with publishing this book has any idea I'm alive or using the cookbook.  I'm just sharing a great thing I've found!

Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free, Soy-Free Recipe: Pancakes

These pancakes are SOO yummy even my gluten-eating husband eats (and enoys!) them!

1 C rice flour
3 T tapioca flour
1/3 C potato starch
2 tsp sugar
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp xanthan gum
2 eggs
3 T canola oil
1 1/2 to 2 C milk substitute (rice, almond, hemp, etc.)

Sift together dry ingredients.  Stir in wet ingredients until very few lumps remain.  Pour into heated, oiled pan on medium heat; flip when bubbles begin to form on top.

*We add a variety of things to the batter to make flavored pancakes: blueberries, bananas, chocolate chips, cinnamon and brown sugar/maple syrup, vanilla, etc.  You can also add ground flax seed for some extra fiber.

TIP: I make several half-batches of the dry ingredients and store them in ziploc baggies so I can make a quick batch of pancakes by only adding an egg, oil and milk to the dry mixture for a faster breakfast!